Why am I in a rush?

I took a break from the computer. I took a break from writing, from social media, from mounting stress on to myself to be a professional writer. I stopped writing in my notebook, except for a few notes scribbled as a vague idea formed. I stopped reading about other writers methods, stopped comparing myself to them.
 
Why am I in a rush?
 
I have been writing for 2 years: I have written 3 drafts of 2 books and I have felt the entire time a humongous pressure to be a professional writer. To be published. Why? Because of social media, the peer pressure, and the resulting feelings of inadequacy within myself.
 
It took me about 3 weeks to unhook the claws that social media had attached to my brain and my need to be “social”. Slowly, I felt the accomplishment of what I had done in the past 2 years flow through me. I kicked all the doubts, the to-do lists, and my goals out of my head. I reminded myself that 2 years ago I felt lost, no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Now, I am a writer. I am finding my own path. Just because so-and-so said, to be a writer you have to write every single day, does not mean that that is my path. I was planning on taking a one month break, it ended up 2 and a 1/2 months because I was exhausted.
 
I learned that all the “connections” I’ve made the last few months on social media were superficial. That hurt at first. I did not do this as a test, I left because I genuinely did not have the energy, physically or mentally, to do another blog post. It hurt because not one person noticed, or asked.
 
Then I asked myself, does it matter? I don’t know these people, why do I suddenly care why these people would notice my existence? This is the poison left over by the claws of the social media monster. I do not need you, and you do not need me. I will like and share your posts, but at the end of the day I am alone on my path. I know that now.
 
At the end of June, I decided that this time next year I would like to have draft 3 of book 1 done. I have swirled around and did an outline for 3 chapters that will contain all the information from the 1st 5 chapters. Tomorrow I will start the rewrite. I will no longer be as active on social media as I was this last year. Social media is a tool that I will learn to use correctly. This blog is still about my journey as a writer but I see no need to blog several times a week.
 
I do hope the summer is going well for all of you. Happy Sunday.

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W&R Saturday 08/04

Writing

Camp NaNoWriMo. I have 24 my 30 pages. I wrote 1400 words into the 1st chapter. I then went back to adding descriptions. I began researching what halls look like in medieval times. I ended up creating an account on a site which lets you make floorplans and build in 3-D. I now have a 2-D floor plan of what my hall looks like. Continue reading

W&R Saturday 01/04

Writing:

Camp NaNoWriMo has started. My cabin was quiet all week. I was nervous, contemplating exiting the cabin and getting sorted into a new one. Yesterday, people started waking up. There are a few people in the same time zone as me, another fear of mine laid to rest.

What I like about this Camp is everyone can make their own goals. Continue reading

W&R Saturday 25/03

 
Writing
 
I feel good about my book. Myself and my boyfriend had a huge chat about my world. It is amazing to be able to discuss the ins and outs with someone. To see my world come to life in his words. I’ve decided on a couple of things:
1. I’m no longer going to worry about getting a short story or poem published. It is too stressful at the moment. As I was sitting on the bus on my way home on Tuesday, it dawned on me. I’ve been writing for less than 2 years. Why am I in such a rush?
2. I am going to start draft 3. I have all the pieces for the 1st chapter. I’ve outlined it for my boyfriend and he agrees with my idea. I know the tone I want, I know how I want the reader to feel. I am ready.

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W&R Saturday 18/03

Writing

This week writing took a nosedive because of sickness. Last weekend I had the beginnings of a head flu, then I was in hospital and now I have the beginnings of another head flu. Normally when I write, I go off into a daydream, and I am connected to my pen and paper the whole time. This week I have tried to sit down and write, and have found that I am not connected to my pen and paper. Continue reading