Why am I in a rush?

I took a break from the computer. I took a break from writing, from social media, from mounting stress on to myself to be a professional writer. I stopped writing in my notebook, except for a few notes scribbled as a vague idea formed. I stopped reading about other writers methods, stopped comparing myself to them.
 
Why am I in a rush?
 
I have been writing for 2 years: I have written 3 drafts of 2 books and I have felt the entire time a humongous pressure to be a professional writer. To be published. Why? Because of social media, the peer pressure, and the resulting feelings of inadequacy within myself.
 
It took me about 3 weeks to unhook the claws that social media had attached to my brain and my need to be “social”. Slowly, I felt the accomplishment of what I had done in the past 2 years flow through me. I kicked all the doubts, the to-do lists, and my goals out of my head. I reminded myself that 2 years ago I felt lost, no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Now, I am a writer. I am finding my own path. Just because so-and-so said, to be a writer you have to write every single day, does not mean that that is my path. I was planning on taking a one month break, it ended up 2 and a 1/2 months because I was exhausted.
 
I learned that all the “connections” I’ve made the last few months on social media were superficial. That hurt at first. I did not do this as a test, I left because I genuinely did not have the energy, physically or mentally, to do another blog post. It hurt because not one person noticed, or asked.
 
Then I asked myself, does it matter? I don’t know these people, why do I suddenly care why these people would notice my existence? This is the poison left over by the claws of the social media monster. I do not need you, and you do not need me. I will like and share your posts, but at the end of the day I am alone on my path. I know that now.
 
At the end of June, I decided that this time next year I would like to have draft 3 of book 1 done. I have swirled around and did an outline for 3 chapters that will contain all the information from the 1st 5 chapters. Tomorrow I will start the rewrite. I will no longer be as active on social media as I was this last year. Social media is a tool that I will learn to use correctly. This blog is still about my journey as a writer but I see no need to blog several times a week.
 
I do hope the summer is going well for all of you. Happy Sunday.

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Review of 13/06 to 18/06

I picked social life over writing this week. I have learned my lesson. I went out two nights in a row. The first night, I drank enough to make my eyes not be able to focus on the computer screen. I didn’t drink at all the second night.
However, I was mentally drained from interacting with people. Do you feel like you have to pick your social life or your writing life? I’m happily picking my writing life. It helps that I live somewhere far away from my best friends. I am not obligated to have coffee with them once a week. I know some people thrive off of interacting with others, Continue reading