Why am I in a rush?

I took a break from the computer. I took a break from writing, from social media, from mounting stress on to myself to be a professional writer. I stopped writing in my notebook, except for a few notes scribbled as a vague idea formed. I stopped reading about other writers methods, stopped comparing myself to them.
 
Why am I in a rush?
 
I have been writing for 2 years: I have written 3 drafts of 2 books and I have felt the entire time a humongous pressure to be a professional writer. To be published. Why? Because of social media, the peer pressure, and the resulting feelings of inadequacy within myself.
 
It took me about 3 weeks to unhook the claws that social media had attached to my brain and my need to be “social”. Slowly, I felt the accomplishment of what I had done in the past 2 years flow through me. I kicked all the doubts, the to-do lists, and my goals out of my head. I reminded myself that 2 years ago I felt lost, no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Now, I am a writer. I am finding my own path. Just because so-and-so said, to be a writer you have to write every single day, does not mean that that is my path. I was planning on taking a one month break, it ended up 2 and a 1/2 months because I was exhausted.
 
I learned that all the “connections” I’ve made the last few months on social media were superficial. That hurt at first. I did not do this as a test, I left because I genuinely did not have the energy, physically or mentally, to do another blog post. It hurt because not one person noticed, or asked.
 
Then I asked myself, does it matter? I don’t know these people, why do I suddenly care why these people would notice my existence? This is the poison left over by the claws of the social media monster. I do not need you, and you do not need me. I will like and share your posts, but at the end of the day I am alone on my path. I know that now.
 
At the end of June, I decided that this time next year I would like to have draft 3 of book 1 done. I have swirled around and did an outline for 3 chapters that will contain all the information from the 1st 5 chapters. Tomorrow I will start the rewrite. I will no longer be as active on social media as I was this last year. Social media is a tool that I will learn to use correctly. This blog is still about my journey as a writer but I see no need to blog several times a week.
 
I do hope the summer is going well for all of you. Happy Sunday.

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W&R April: Goal Evaluation

April goals:

30 pages for camp
I added 31 pages into my S.B.
continue with blog posts
Organization skills need to improve! I’ve been contemplating putting WordPress on my phone so that I can work on my posts when I’m not near the computer. However, at the same time, I enjoyed the break from all of the Internet ties when I go away for a few days. For the moment, the pros and cons balance each other out.
chapter 1 @ the betas
start chapter 2
Yeah, I am nowhere near finished chapter 1, every time I sit down to write, I get lost in the massive holes I have! Chapter 2 is a far distant light that is not getting any closer.
participate in these Twitter games

May goals:

30 pages in S.B.
blog posts
write more of chapter 1
network on WordPress
Twitter games

Reading:

I finished Wells of Ascension! I am so delighted to have that tome of a book over with. I re-read The Eye of the World Robert Jordan. This time I highlighted any piece of writing that stood out to me, I then wrote all of these quotes out and put them into my S.B. to teach myself how to write.

We were walking through a book market and I saw something that jumped out at me, “this is about my city! And New York, but it starts off in my city.” I gushed about the book so much that my boyfriend bought it for me. Les Cendres D’Angela by Frank McCourt. I read it years ago. It was nice to have a bit of home when I was walking around a French market.
Yesterday, we bought Le Meilleur des Mondes by Aldous Huxley (A Brave New World). I have never read it before, and it is the next book on my to-read list after I finish The Great Hunt. Yes, I got hooked by The Wheel of Time. This time is different though because I am analyzing the writing throughout.

May’s reading goal: finish The Great Hunt, add quotes to S.B. and start Le Meilleur des Mondes.

What does getting old mean to you?

Yazmin:

there aren’t any old people in the castle. The castle itself is old, the stones on the outside and worn down compared to the stones and the insight. Those stones are grimy to touch, layers and layers of smoke from the hearth. My mother died in her 30s, a grandfather died young, so they say. I don’t understand what all days. I suppose it means I will be Queen, but that means father won’t be here I wish I could stay put and not move forward, stay in this bubble right here.

Leah:

the house, the coins, the servants will all belong to me. I will get married to someone lower than me, it’s important he knows who is in charge. I will take over my father’s role as Treasury and help Yazmin rule the kingdom. I will be ruling the kingdom. She is not reading this, is she? If she is, take that part out. Better she believes she is the ruler.
No more tight clutches on the purse strings, dear father.

Theo:

the only future I think of is what crops to plant for next year.

Jasper:

I’ll slit my own throat before I get old enough to get sick.

I’ll check under the bed first though.

W&R Saturday 08/04

Writing

Camp NaNoWriMo. I have 24 my 30 pages. I wrote 1400 words into the 1st chapter. I then went back to adding descriptions. I began researching what halls look like in medieval times. I ended up creating an account on a site which lets you make floorplans and build in 3-D. I now have a 2-D floor plan of what my hall looks like. Continue reading

W&R Saturday 01/04

Writing:

Camp NaNoWriMo has started. My cabin was quiet all week. I was nervous, contemplating exiting the cabin and getting sorted into a new one. Yesterday, people started waking up. There are a few people in the same time zone as me, another fear of mine laid to rest.

What I like about this Camp is everyone can make their own goals. Continue reading