Paying my bills

For the last three and a half years I haven’t been able to pay my bills. Last month, and this month has been the first time I can pay my rent and electricity. Only a few of my close friends knew about my struggles the last few years, and even with them I didn’t go into details.

The other day I was walking through the city centre, it dawned on me that I could actually go into any shop and buy myself something. A bottle of water, a chocolate bar, a magazine, lipgloss, hair products, all the things I haven’t been able to buy. I actually strolled along the streets, I didn’t avoid looking at the shop windows, the big posters telling me that there is a sale on. I didn’t have to remind myself that even with a sale I couldn’t afford the products.

Finally, I threw out all of my clothes that no longer fit me and I am in the process of replacing them. I thoroughly enjoyed filling up that black bag with all those clothes! I bought a new phone, that has been the hardest purchase.

I have learnt a lot the last few years, I have witnessed how blind people are to situations that aren’t theirs. The amount of people that expected me to hop on a plane, because flights are so “cheap,” never once thinking of how exactly I would get to the airport, pay for my food, lodging’s, and all of the other costs that it takes to go somewhere.

I really want to go to a concert. I want to have a holiday with my boyfriend where it’s just the two of us. I want to buy dinner for my boyfriend at a nice restaurant. I want to buy a decent rain jacket, and a summer jacket. I want to buy shoes, and not ones to replace the battered and broken pair, but spare shoes. Imagine that? Having a spare set of shoes. I want to get a yoga membership. I want to get my teaching certificate.

And you know what? I can get all of these things. I will have to save but these things are possible, and that’s pretty incredible.

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