Free Write Wednesday

Using http://writingexercises.co.uk/subjectgenerator.php, I give myself 10 minutes to write the answer. I am not editing or changing what I have written in those 10 minutes.

If you had a choice, what would you dream about?

Absolutely nothing. A dreamless sleep. I dream the whole night long, I have trouble sleeping because I dread my dreams. I used to sleep really well, but in 2010 I began living the next day in my dreams. Basically, on Friday night, I dream of my work day on Saturday. Wake up and have to actually go to work.
It was hectic. I felt like I wasn’t sleeping. When I moved to France I started getting night terrors. I’d wake up with no memory of who I was where I was. I have memories of the people I love dead. It was awful.
I reached my breaking point after 2 weeks of dreading going to sleep, willing myself to stay awake. I woke from a dream where my brother was brutally murdered in front of me. I got up and turned on my computer, and sent a message to a therapist. I could not take it anymore.
I finished with the therapist and I still get terrible scary dreams. I still wake up with no memory of my own name. The difference is, I know I am safe. I know that it comes back to me. I know it’s a dream.
I drink a tea that helps me relax before bed. Without it, I’m awake until 5 AM and having night terrors again. I write as much as possible, that keeps the terrors at bay. I still dream a lot but it’s about things that are not scary. I can survive them.
Once every few months, I wake up and I have no memories of my dreams. They are the most relaxing nights and precious of days. If I had a choice, I would have a dreamless sleep.

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