I have a migraine, it started last night late evening. I took some medication but that didn’t work, so I lay down on my bed in the darkness. Yesterday it was a pressure migraine, focused all over my forehead. This morning the pain is mostly coming from behind my right eye. I feel sick and dizzy. I’m going to write up my blog post, and then no more computer screen work for the day.
I finished part one of the Wells of Ascension, I took a day off on Friday and I read four chapters of the book. I’m going to guess that today I will be reading quite a lot of the book again. My boyfriend and I were in the mediateque the other day. I experienced a surreal moment as my brain realised I was standing in a library in France reading the blurb of a book of law and contemplating taking the book out because it would help me with my world building. A law book not written in English. I put it back on the shelf though, figuring I should finish the Wells of Ascension first.
Here I am living in a country where four years ago I could make a coherent full sentence in the language. I’m not sure exactly when the surprise and sheer pleasure of my accomplishment will wear off. Anyone else who has successfully integrated into a different culture than their birth culture, does it wear off? I hope it doesn’t, it is such a nice and happy feeling.
Don’t get me wrong, 8/10 people asked me and my English when I speak French. I doubt I’ll ever be able to speak French without my Irish accent. That’s fine by me, my accent is a very important part of who I am. Living in Ireland teaches you that you can pinpoint to the village of where someone grew up by listening to their accident and the words they use. My boyfriend is always fascinated by how I can pinpoint in accents to a county in Ireland. I’ve grown rusty in my skills because I don’t talk to many Irish people anymore.
Anyway, I think I should rename this topic to language instead of reading. I always end up talking about the differences between French and English on my experiences with them.
I started a My List of Feel Good Stuff in my logbook. I call it a logbook because I do not do all the drawing and colouring that you will find if you put bullet journal into Google or Pinterest. This list has everything that makes me feel good. I bought myself a green pen so that now anytime I do anything from that list I get to log it in green. This way I am making sure that my days are filled with activities that make me feel good.
The newest addition to the list is making mandalas. I created my first mandala last Tuesday, I would like to make one per week. I have been itchy to do some art lately and these are perfect for me. They are much easier to make than I thought they would be.
Happiness comes from feeling good. Feeling good comes from doing healthy and enjoyable activities. Happiness also comes from a sense of accomplishment and improvement. It is not easy, I believe it truly comes from within yourself. It is not an object you can pick up and hold. Happiness always comes to me when I take a few minutes to reflect on my activities for that day. I always acknowledge it now. The simple act of acknowledging it contrasts with my years of unhappiness, and helps me appreciate the feeling that bit more.
I am loving the author confessions on Twitter. Oddly, I am finding my voice coming through the tweets. The humour which is very hard to convey through writing is dashing out in the tweets. It is nice to recognize and see my voice popping out so clearly. Also shows me I still have such a long way to go together story published. My motivation is still pretty low, but I’m not worried about it. Creativity comes in waves, this is a low tide. The work I get done each day will add itself, whether it is only a few words scribbled on a page or several pages.
Writing and researching:
I wrote the outline to the poem I will be submitting in March. I want to write the first draft this week, and possibly the second as well. Then I will give it to my trusted readers who always give me feedback straightaway.
I finished reading the Moth magazine and a few stories have stuck inside my head. I love stories that cycle around my head for days after reading them. I hoped to dissect one of the stories this week. One of the things I have learnt from reading the short stories is that they end quite suddenly. Each time the story hooks me in wraps that spell around me, I turn the page and I see a poem or a new short story. It feels like my brain has walked into a glass door. It leaves me with, “wait so what happened?” For the moment I find it unsatisfying. However, maybe with an in-depth read through I might be able to figure out a satisfying ending.
I thought I had about two more subjects to cross out before I can give chapter 1 a rewrite. However, then I realized that I need to sort out the religion, the back story, and the political affiliations before I can begin rewriting. These are all huge chunks of information that need to be done. They will take a lot of time and effort. And creativity. And in the end, I will use one sentence or two to describe it in the book. That is the joys of writing.
I have begun outlining religion and finding lists of questions from the Internet to ask myself to help with the process. I will be working on that this week, and when my brain cannot take any more religion, I will be looking up fashion, because it is about time that my characters had clothes to wear.
Even though I am not feeling the most motivated, I am making sure that each week I progress in some shape or form. These weekly updates help an awful lot because they keep me accountable. Now I am going to go and lie down and try and get rid of this migraine.