Fear

(Twigger Warning)

I lay here and I think
Of the time that I need
To heal where I bleed
I use my ink:

To open my box
That for years I had under lock
Because I was too scared
For my dirty laundry to be aired.

I was assaulted at eighteen
I felt so unclean
I start to sweat freely
When I talk about this clearly.

I didn’t realize at the time
How much it would affect my mind
I kept it hidden for ten years
Always lying through my tears.

I locked it away
To never see the light of day
The time went by
I forgot the reason why.

Until my boyfriend asked me:
What happened to the past me?
I dug around in my head
Til I found a single floating thread.

It led to a box
That I had all but forgot.
I stopped and stared at my man
Who assured me that I can:

Unlock the lock
That shut that box
Which I had feared
For ten long years.

With him by my side
I know I can handle the landslide
Of memories and emotions
Which flow from all directions.

I was convinced the assault
Was all my fault.
He asked me a question
That shook my whole foundation:

‘What more could you have done
To stop his action?’
It was hard to believe
That this bloke would not leave.

He stayed in my bed
And my heart filled with dread
I clutched the bedspread
And willed him to be dead.

When my tears began to flow freely
He left my bed quickly
I never saw him again.
I stopped trusting men.

© 2015 elegancesicy.wordpress.com

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